Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
