Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
