Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
