Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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