i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
