3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
