I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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