Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
