he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
