i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize