YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
