hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
