Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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