So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
