I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
