So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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