i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
