On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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