i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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