Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
