I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
