Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
