Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
