i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
