so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
