I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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