He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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