i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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