I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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