my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
