sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
