i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
