Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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