I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you win again, gameday.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
