Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
