then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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