I've blown a few things in my day
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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