Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
