Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
