This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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