So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
