You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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