i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
