he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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