I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
