U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
