i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
