Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
