Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
