My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
