remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
