but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
